demanding

Disappointed. This is what I’m feeling right now. Yesterday demanded something of me every single minute. Most of what was demanded, I didn’t want to give.

The thing I’m most disappointed about isn’t the unintended messages or the grumbling people or even the visit that went too long past my bedtime, the thing I am most disappointed about is I didn’t get to slice.

I know many people write posts ahead of time. Others keep a back up post in their queue for days like yesterday. However, I’ve challenged myself to write day to day. I’ve been determined to carve out time daily to push myself to tug on current lessons, current thinking, and fresh experiences. This pushes me as a writer differently than when I allow things to simmer, giving space to reflect and ponder about my topics.

I’m disappointed that there wasn’t space to slice. I push away thoughts about whether I’m to blame for not finding time to write. I’m not. The disappointment I feel isn’t from guilt. The day simply unfolded and demand after demand after demand faced me. The demands followed me home and pushed out my relaxing time, writing time, reading time, and eventually bedtime.

Some days don’t go as planned. It doesn’t matter how much I step with care, there are some days I find myself in a mess. What I’m realizing is perhaps the mess is exactly where I am supposed to be.

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10 Comments »

  1. Ah, the importance of mess. Yes, it is where each of us should be when we are facing it. However, mess is usually not short on disappointment until we thin it down to nothing and all that is left is the freshness of what's next.

  2. Some days are just like that. And maybe it doesn't come to not slicing, it comes to spending time on the really important stuff. People. And that's where you were. And it's ok!

  3. Every day I hope to avoid disappointing myself by finding time to write, and yet sometimes demanding, messy days happen. Maybe on those days there is something else to learn? Maybe those days are the stuff of future blogposts?

  4. God has a purpose for each of our days. When we wake up with breath, that means HE has work to do: in us, through us, with us. God used yesterday for HIS good. Love you my friend.

  5. I have found that I am writing my slices at night, much later than I had planned due to those demanding days. This week has been just that. I agree with Mardie that these are usually the days that I learned the most.

  6. I'm sorry you did not get to slice, but at the same time, I could also sense that when you finally got to bed it was probably a good thing to not push to add just one more thing to your already hectic day (even if it was something that you would feel disappointed to miss).

  7. I like this sort of mantra you've been repeating in your posts this year. The idea that wherever you are is exactly where you are meant to be. There is peace in that thought. Strength. And from wherever you may be in life, your light SHINES.

  8. So maybe the message it that it's ok to be human. And that means not being able to be all and do all in all days, right?
    I think someone wise once told me that…

  9. Ruth-There is so much I admire about you. Even your last couple of blog posts indicate your qualities I adore—Such a great mom (ie “opening books together”) Amazing friend and mentor (ie “anytime”) openness, honesty, creative, inspirational. I could go on……and even today's post, “demanding” because it reminds us that you are human and let's us know that it is ok for us to make “mistakes” too. This is what our students/children need to know in order to flourish and grow without guilt or worry.