keeping on (soLs)
What makes people keep going even when it gets really tough?
I look at this little writing challenge of ours, and even though I don’t want to write tonight, I’m making my fingers move across the keyboard. The thoughts are plodding along behind me, almost as though there are cement blocks tied to my fingers, weighting them down, suffocating the words. I keep going, even when it’s hard. I trust the process.
I think about being an agent of change at work, and even though I don’t want to always push for change, I make myself continue to question and reflect and envision possibilities. I put on a smile, and tell myself I’m thankful, incredibly grateful, for this job of mine. I keep going, keep questioning and reflecting, even when I feel like it’s failing. I trust the process.
I take a deep breath and fight the battle over showers with Stephanie one more time. I stay calm. I pretend I’m a duck and imagine the harsh words and fit and screams rolling off my back like water off a duck. I tell myself that the 6 minute fit is progress. Improvement. After her shower she stands next to me. I’m rolling cookie dough. She asks, “What are you making?”
“Cookies for the little girl who just said awful things.”
Tears well up in her eyes. I hate that I wonder if they’re real. “I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t know why I did it. I know you were helping. I know showers are part of life. I know I have to go first sometimes.”
“Here, have some cookie dough,” I say nudging the piece I just cut off toward her.
Some days are just hard.
But I trust the process.
Because life is made up of smooth and bumpy, laughing and longing, accepting and giving, with mistakes and successes scattered along the way. This is real life. It’s a gamut of emotions. Instead of quitting on the hard days, I keep on, because it’s ultimately good.
And I trust the process of living.
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