waiting

I’m not a stranger to waiting.

It was during our wait for Sam when I realized much of life is spent waiting. It is typical to be waiting for something. We wait for appointments and cashiers and packages. We wait for vacations and weekends and holidays. We wait for tests to be over. We wait for family — wanting them to arrive, saying good-bye as they leave, hoping they come back.

Life is filled with waiting.

Perhaps the living isn’t so much in the events, but in the wait. As we’ve walked this unconventional path of building a family, we’ve learned to embrace the wait. We’ve learned there is goodness even in the midst of the heartache that too often comes with waiting. We’ve learned waiting doesn’t have to wilt us.

We were praying for our new child to be part of our family before Christmas. It would have been a miracle. I’d given up this hope the week before Christmas. It was too soon and too big to expect a child for Christmas. I have such little faith.

It was here, when I began to doubt, began to wonder who am I to pray such a big prayer of a miracle of family in such a short time frame, when we received the call — matched with a seven year old boy. See, I have such little faith.

We are waiting while our son continues to live without us, and we live without him.

In a wait, it is easy to wish for something else. To wish for paperwork to have been filed or for the system to be more efficient. It is easy to be impatient.

Instead, we choose to accept the wait. There are all kinds of ways to wait. With each adoption, we’ve had different waits. Perhaps after trying all of the wrong waiting ways, it is easier to chose this one. Right now we are waiting with sweet anticipation.

This is faith. It is a matter of embracing the unknown, accepting the plans that don’t go as I want, and trusting this is all an important pat of the journey. There is purpose in the wait. I might not know what the purpose is, but I trust it is there. Perhaps my faith is growing a bit.

Soon, in a perfectly orchestrated timeline, we will have our son home. Until then, we chose to wait with joy.

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18 Comments »

  1. Waiting with sweet anticipation as a definition of faith… Yes. “Waiting doesn't have to wilt us.” Yes. “We chose to wait with joy.” Yes, yes, and yes. One day he'll read the words that are love's translation, and he will know that his mother was loving him while she waited. And while he waited. Thank you for your beautiful words today.

  2. “Perhaps the living isn't so much in the events, but in the wait.”

    I see the truth in this statement. You are living a different life as you wait.

  3. As I read your post I kept thinking about how you are already documenting your relationship and thoughts about this new child you are waiting for. “We choose to wait with joy.” It is difficult to wait for the arrival of a child…consciously choosing to be joyful about the wait must make it feel a little more tolerable. May your wait be joyful but may the arrival be even better!

  4. This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so excited for you to have another child to love. And there will be more waits in your life. I hope they are all as joyful as this one.

  5. It's a boy! And seven years old! Just about perfect for your other little guy! I am praying, praying, praying that the wait will be short and the transition will be smooth, that the newest Ayres will know, from his inmost being, that he is much wanted and loved! Richest blessings, my friend…

  6. Waiting with sweet anticipation — I know that takes not only faith, but discipline. It's hard to wait. I like your stance though and respect the choice you've made. Ruth, this piece bares your heart and sweeps us into it. I love that you're loving him already. He is blessed beyond measure to be part of your family. Best, b

  7. Congratulations! It's a boy! It's worth the wait! I'm so excited for your newest family member, Ruth. We waited less than a year for our son (a long while ago) & almost two years for our daughter. Friends of our family just had a little girl arrive, after four years of waiting for her. It's always worth the wait!

  8. I can't help but wonder what this wait looks like from the other side. I think it was this line that did it: “We are waiting while our son continues to live without us, and we live without him.”

    Your newest son is out there with no idea that his life is about to be filled with the acceptance, prayer, embrace, faith, and joy {all your words from the post above} that comes with being a member of the Ayres family. Not to mention all the writing and reading that goes on amongst you guys!

    Your faith is beautiful and inspiring.

  9. While you “wait with sweet anticipation”, my your life and the life of your newest family member be filled with thoughts of love, happiness and faith…so excited for you, the family and him!

  10. Waiting and letting go, for me, seem to go hand and hand. I'm horrible at waiting. If I am expecting some news, I will check my phone a dozen times in an hour “just in case”. When I let go and accept the “waiting” then I feel calmer, less stressed and whatever news I'm waiting for arrives in its own time. Hard to do but so calming when I can accomplish this. Good luck through the waiting and the receiving. It will come. Just wait and see.

  11. Waiting and letting go, for me, seem to go hand and hand. I'm horrible at waiting. If I am expecting some news, I will check my phone a dozen times in an hour “just in case”. When I let go and accept the “waiting” then I feel calmer, less stressed and whatever news I'm waiting for arrives in its own time. Hard to do but so calming when I can accomplish this. Good luck through the waiting and the receiving. It will come. Just wait and see.

  12. Indeed! completely agree with you that most part of our lives is spend waiting. Most of the time this entire process of waiting can be very irritating, even to the extent of killing. We wait all our lives for that appointment letter, vacation to the Alps, soul mate, big house and above all to become a huge success.

    I wonder if we can learn the art of waiting from plants, who remain unperturbed through all the seasons, they all are very well are aware of the fact that they will grow and flower when the correct time and season comes.

    So if waiting is an integral part of our lives then why not do it patiently and even enjoy this entire process?

    Jeff Rivera

    Bestselling Author

    “UM … MOMMY I THINK I FLUSHED MY BROTHER DOWN THE TOILET”

    http://amzn.to/RUltKc

  13. waiting with joy – that line made me think about how this line of thinking is in great alignment with your OLW shine. Enjoy the anticipation. I look forward to hearing more about your son! Congratulations!