a glimpse

This defines me.
A few weeks ago someone emailed me a link to a blog. The note said, 

Here’s a blog I read and it makes me think of you. Check it out.

I often fall behind on email. As much as this frustrates me about myself, I’ve come to accept email as the thing that falls off the plate. Thankfully my friends and family are understanding and forgive me for this. The link to the blog remains in my inbox for weeks, still waiting for me to check it out.

On Sunday my friend Rena stopped me outside the nursery at church. “I’m so glad to run into you,” she said. “There’s this blog I’ve been reading and I love it. Every time I read it it reminds me of your writing and your life. You should check it out.”

You know where this is going, right? It was the same blog that had been waiting on me in my inbox. Now I was curious. A blog that reminds people of me? The first person to mention it to me is a new friend. She is the mother of my daughter’s best friend. Although we’ve known of each other for years, we have only had a handful of conversations. Rena is a close friend of mine. She knows me well. I’m curious what makes them think of me.

Finally, finally after too long I go to the blog that has been waiting for me. I listen. I read. My heart aches. I pray.I read more. My heart smiles. I catch a glimpse of how other people see me.

And I’m humbled. Check it out to see why.

My faith defines me. But sometimes I wonder if I live it for-real out here. You know, outside of the walls of my heart. My life is messy — a beautiful mess — but messy and chaotic and I drop the ball (especially with email) and I forget things and I mess up and I’m always reminding myself that I’m enough, because sometimes, lotstimes, I just don’t feel like I am. Then my friends give me this gift of a glimpse into who they see. And I think maybe, just maybe, sometimes I’m able to get out of the way long enough for the world to see Jesus shining out from my heart.

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  1. What an amazing blog. I have to admit, it was hard to click the x to close the window. The mixture of pictures, text, and the piano music were luring me in. Alas, I have to get ready for work!

    Typically I have the volume muted on my computer – what luck that it was on this morning so that I could get the full impact of that blog. I look forward to visiting it again when I can really read more without being in a rush.

    I am glad that your two friends pointed it out to you, such a well-deserved connection.

  2. Often I believe that such things that just happened to you are meant to be just in the time that they happened, no earlier, no later, but just when you were ready to receive them. It's a lovely story to examine these questions of messiness, but then you shared such a good conclusion to your questioning. Patience goes a long way in teaching as you show so often. I'm glad to see you're giving some of it to yourself.

  3. The final paragraph of your post is just stunning. The sentiment, the words, the way you played with those words; I am glad people are able to see in person who you are inside the walls of your heart because it surely comes across through your writing voice.

  4. As I read this sentence: “But sometimes I wonder if I live it for-real out here. You know, outside of the walls of my heart. My life is messy — a beautiful mess — but messy and chaotic and I drop the ball (especially with email) and I forget things and I mess up and I'm always reminding myself that I'm enough, because sometimes, lotstimes, I just don't feel like I am.”

    I thought to myself, “I wonder if it is going to be Ann's blog? She sounds like Ann to me!”

    And… it was! LOVE her blog, read it EVERY day, read her book this summer, dream of being in her likeness, as I see her exuding Jesus, and I WANT to be there… in my play, in my work, in my speak and my writing and my whole ME… I want to be there…. workin' on it. Thank YOU for sharing! 🙂

  5. What an amazing gift your friends gave you – to show you (underline, in bold) what they see in you. I often wish we could stage funerals, memorials, wakes for people before they die so they could feel-see-know- the love everyone feels for them – ALIVE!

  6. Such a remarkable blog! I wasn't sure what to expect when I began reading your post. Your comments about being a beautiful mess, messy and chaotic, really hit home with me. Especially the part about just being enough and getting in your own way. Thank you for sharing…the timing was perfect.