looking back to see ahead

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When I was a little girl, I was always pushing for the next thing in life. I can’t wait to be in middle school….I can’t wait to drive….I can’t wait to go to college…I can’t wait to have a teaching job…I can’t wait to be married.  “Don’t wish your life away,” my mom warned me.

I rolled my eyes and wondered when my mom would get a clue.

A few months into married life, I was sitting in our oversized chair thinking about all the things I couldn’t wait to do. My mom’s warning haunted me—Don’t wish your life away, Ruth. In a blink, I realized that I was living the live I once couldn’t wait to live…and I was wishing it away for the next thing.

I rolled my eyes and wondered how I missed my mom’s wisdom for so many years.

It was then I began the journey of embracing contentment in my daily existence. It’s been a hard-fought and valuable discovery of learning to celebrate and value the current season of life.

I almost lost the battle for the past 700+ days. For more than two years the days have been long and the moments rocky in my quest to be content. I know, because more than 700 days ago, I bought a countdown clock with the shrewd purpose of learning to value each fleeting day.

It’s been a rough season with jagged moments making up the topography of the transition from parenting high school teenagers to young adults. I set our countdown clock to our 25th anniversary because at that moment, a new chapter will open. It is full of unwritten pages as our kids all leave our home to begin their own careers and adult lives.

Today the countdown clock reads 27 days. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that I’m glad I held onto Psalm 34:18—The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit—and didn’t wish my life away.

Today I’m joining the Spiritual Journey gathering. The community writes together on the first Thursday of the month.
celebrate, dream, faith, healing, living, marriage, parenting, reflection, scars, scripture, spiritual thursday

9 Comments »

  1. I had totally forgotten about your countdown clock! What will you do to celebrate?
    I have you to thank for helping me find the celebrations in everyday life. So glad you’re here in spite of a rough season with jagged moments. And of course, I love that it’s a Psalm that you’ve clung to. So good to read your words.

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  2. Ruth: Thank you for this wonderful post. There have been so many rocky moments lately. We all seem to have them, feel them. I’m glad you have hung on, embraced contentment, and kept a psalm in your heart. The Lord is close…

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  3. Thank you for sharing your struggles. And your sadness in having your children launched and no longer needing you, but they will, trust me. We launched our daughter 22 years ago. The relationship changed, and we were no longer her main caregivers, which was very hard for me to adjust to. Our daughter still needs us, but she is very independent and she can call the shots for her life For which I am very thankful. Best wishes for your anniversary celebration.

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  4. This is beautiful! I’ve been in that empty nest phase for a little while now, and I won’t say it’s been easy. But you’re right — we have to live in the day we’re given!

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  5. Ruth, I think it is only natural for kids to wish their lives away. I think we have all done it. It is only as we get older that we learn to live in and appreciate the moment. By wishing for the next big thing in our life we miss the joy of what is happening now. Continue to live in and relish each moment.

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  7. I can relate to your post. It’s difficult to live each day in presence without wishing for the next phase. When times are rough we want to speed up time to get to the other side. Thanks for sharing your journey.

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  8. I did the same thing, Ruth, look forward instead of to the right now. I’m trying to be more mindful now. Thanks for the reminder. Be sure to enjoy the peace right now if you’re joyful or content, tomorrow will come too fast! Tam

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  9. Karen’s prompt and your post are such good reminders to look for the joy in today. Not unlike you, I was always wwishing and wanting some momentous moment to come. My prayer has become: Prepare me for those tomorrows, but help me be present today.

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