a confession (soLs)
Many of you know I have a goal for my fiction writing of 1000 words a day. Even though I only meet this goal three or four days a week, there is rarely a day I go without writing any words on my current draft. And just so we’re clear, this is a goal I have when I’m in the midst of a zero draft — meaning, the first time I’m attempting to capture a story. When I’m not writing a zero draft, then my fiction goals change.
Right now I’m trying to finish a zero draft by the end of the month. My 1000 words per day are critical to make this happen. Guess how many words I’ve written on my zero draft in the last week.
I’ll give you some hints…
- I feel like I’m in a mud puddle when it comes to figuring out the story.
- I keep hitting snooze on my alarm.
- I’m tired.
Go ahead and guess.
Unfortunately, I’ve written zero words in the last week. This kind of blatant disregard for my goals is unprecedented for me. Although I’m writing blog posts (kind of) and Choice Literacy articles and notebook entries, I still feel like my writing soul is falling apart. I set a variety of goals for my writing life.I love that it is diverse and vibrant. However, it’s the fiction that is the challenge for me. I have to fight to attain my fiction goals. I have to slay the monsters that growl in my head, questioning my ability, making me wonder why I think I can write.
The thin thread that I cling to is I’m a writer because I write. It scares me a little that I quit last week. I’m not a quitter. I don’t like to think that I have it in me. But like the characters who wrap themselves around my heart, stealing a section of my brain to weave their stories, I realize there is a little bit of the things we hate the most inside of us.
There’s a little bit of a quitter in me.
There’s more of a writer.
Which is why after I post this little confession, I’m opening my fiction and I’m clacking a few words onto the page. And then a few more. And then some more. Until I reach 1000. I can do it. I can finish the zero draft by the end of the month. Because I have characters churning in my notebook, wanting to be ready for November.
You do know what’s in November, right?
Not only am I participating, but I will succeed.
Because I’m a writer.
Not a quitter.